Thursday, January 27, 2005

Disgusting Food Stuffs

Have you ever noticed the amount of food products that are just gross? I’m not referring to my mother-in-law’s dried-out roast beef and boiled rutabaga dinners here. I’m talking unnatural, AKA “not found in nature”. Here’s just a few:

  1. SPAM (not to be confused with the Viagra e-mails)
  2. Spreadable cheese “products” (often spelled Cheez, as they contain no actual cheese)
  3. Pickled eggs (for the love of all things good and holy, why was this invented?)
  4. Creamed corn (blech!)
  5. Pickle-flavored Doritos (regular flavored Doritos are bad enough)
  6. Canned spaghetti (even my kids won’t eat this)
  7. Actually, the whole Chef Boyardee line-up.
  8. Easy Mac (I liked Mac & Cheese as a kid, but as an adult, I’ve lost the love)
  9. Kraft Lunchables (a box full ‘o’ nitrates)
  10. Fillet ‘O Fish (does anyone order these anymore???)

I imagine there are those of you out there who like some of this stuff. Try to convince me why I should, say, give creamed corn a second chance.


At 1:30 PM, Blogger sxKitten said...

I'll admit it, I like Chef Boyardee's mini ravioli. Not because they taste good, but because they taste exactly the same as they did when I was a kid. They were a special treat for dinner on the rare Saturdays that my parents went out for the evening. Creamed corn was even more special - my grandmother was the only one who ever served it. But I don't make my kids eat it.

And I'd never try to convince anyone else that it's edible.

I'm totally with you on the rest of the lineup, by the way. Especially Doritos - bleah!

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Steve said...

I prefer fresh, unprocessed food, but I have to confess that SPAM is a guilty pleasure for me, probably because it brings back fond memories of my grandmother, who ate a slice every morning at breakfast.

When I lived in Korea, I was shocked and amused to find that Koreans consider SPAM a delicacy. On the main Korean holiday, a case of SPAM is considered a great gift. Instead of raw fish, it's common for Koreans to put a chunk of crosscut spam in their sushi rolls ( known as Kimbab in Korea). I can only speculate that this is a reflection of wartime Korea, when Spam was a precious commodity.

Given the cultural delicies you've mentioned, who are we to judge?

At 7:11 PM, Blogger Jennie said...

Spam grosses me out (although I've never actually tried it) but it makes me laugh because everytime I think of it I think of Monty Python.

At 8:30 PM, Blogger Retroboy said...

How dare you attack "processed cheez food".
Any meal is better, placed between two pieces of bread with a slice of processed cheese, microwaved on high for 20-30 seconds.
And the filet-o-fish: the way the bun, deep fried reformed fish particle log, processed cheese slice, and tartar sauce unite to become one, is a thing of much wonder and beauty.

At 9:19 PM, Blogger Diva said...

I once went through a phase where I ate nothing for dinner except Chef Boyardee ABC's and 123's (with a little cheese on top). I don't know what on earth possessed me to do that.

An interesting thing that I noticed about every thing in your list - it's very high in sodium. I can eat one bite of anything on your list and my hands and fingers start to immediately swell. I have always been that way, I don't know why because my blood pressure is normal. I just normally don't eat that much sodium, I guess, so when I do, it affects me like that.

At 6:08 AM, Blogger Rich Rosenthal II said...

I opened a lunchables once. They are visually appealing. Never again! The horror. The horror.

Really salty nasty bland stuff even the crackers were bad. How do they mess up the crackers.

At 10:37 AM, Blogger k_sra said...

Yes, hell hath no fury like a stomach full of filet-o-fish sandwich. It is so true. Instead of trying to dissuade you from your good work of hating inferior food product I would like to add a few items to the bonfire:

wonder bread (you can taste the chemicals in every bite)
vienna sausages (that jelly goop around em is disgusting)
corned beef hash (what the hell is it? It's certainly not corn. Is that really even beef? Why is it called hash?)

Keep up the good work.

At 7:14 PM, Blogger Carmi said...

Dill Doritos. That's reason enough for me to stay away from the vending machines in the basement at work. Just the very THOUGHT of them gives me the willies (what IS a "willy" anyway?)

And it's not enough that the chips are behind glass. They emit something. I swear.

At 4:24 AM, Blogger the Arrogant Fool said...

For the past seven years, a McDonald's filet-o-fish with NO CHEESE (or cheez?) and NO TARTAR SAUCE PLEASE has been my only hangover food. I think it's because 99% of the time, it's so bland that it has no odor or taste, just a comforting texture.

Every once in awhile I'll get one that actually smells like fish and it freaks me out.

At 10:24 PM, Blogger Lauren said...

I agree with you on everything except creamed corn, which I feel neutral about. "Pudding Bites" are, however, worse than almost everything on your list. If you don't like pickled eggs, then I'm wondering how you would feel about Scotch eggs, which I believe have been banned in the US. Hard-boiled eggs that have been breaded and fried. Despite the food revolution over there, I did spot some Scotch eggs in a supermarket about ten years ago and fled screaming.

At 6:01 PM, Blogger MoeThatsMe said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:29 PM, Blogger MoeThatsMe said...

I have always loved Filet 'o Fish, if subjected to McDonalds, it's what I still order.

Clam Chowder - BLICK!
Anchovies on Pizza... gag!


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