Wednesday, August 25, 2004

What Women Want

Well, in fact, I don't know what all women want. But I know what I want. Sometimes.

Here are some guidelines*:

  1. If, upon seeing me teary-eyed, your first instinct is to back away. Don't. Give me a hug and ask me what's wrong. Tell me how wonderful I am. I know you think that I'll think you're being patronizing. And I might. But I'll forgive you faster than if you just walked away.
  2. If I seem amorous, take advantage. My mood could change. Quickly. Too late. Move on.
  3. I will ask you why you said sorry to me when I was angry. I will get even more angry if your answer begins with "Because you seem to think..."
  4. Your friends are morons. I will be in a bad mood if you make me spend time with them for more than 20 minutes. I will be in a bad mood if you invite them into our home or go out with them when I don't have plans or it is inconvenient for me. Unless they're married and their wife isn't pathetic. Then we can see them as a couple, but only when I feel like it.
  5. It very well could be hormones. But don't bring it into the conversation. Believe me. You will regret it.
  6. I won't ask you if I look fat in these pants if you stop digging those overalls out of the trash.
  7. I love you. Shut up and give me a hug.

*Guidelines may (and will) change without notice.


At 3:37 PM, Blogger Wheelson said...

To ellaborate on 1...In my experience do not under any circumstance try and solve the problem that caused the teary eyes despite every desire to do so.

At 5:30 PM, Blogger Trillian said...

This is VERY true. You're obviously in a relationship!

At 10:10 AM, Blogger Rachel - Wicked Ink said...

Great list! much more specific than Rule #1 the woman is always right, Rule #2 if the woman is wrong, refer to Rule #1...

::not in a relationship, but have bookmarked the page for all future suitors::


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