What Women Want

Well, in fact, I don't know what all women want. But I know what I want. Sometimes.

Here are some guidelines*:

1. If, upon seeing me teary-eyed, your first instinct is to back away. Don't. Give me a hug and ask me what's wrong. Tell me how wonderful I am. I know you think that I'll think you're being patronizing. And I might. But I'll forgive you faster than if you just walked away.
2. If I seem amorous, take advantage. My mood could change. Quickly. Too late. Move on.
3. I will ask you why you said sorry to me when I was angry. I will get even more angry if your answer begins with "Because you seem to think..."
4. Your friends are morons. I will be in a bad mood if you make me spend time with them for more than 20 minutes. I will be in a bad mood if you invite them into our home or go out with them when I don't have plans or it is inconvenient for me. Unless they're married and their wife isn't pathetic. Then we can see them as a couple, but only when I feel like it.
5. It very well could be hormones. But don't bring it into the conversation. Believe me. You will regret it.
6. I won't ask you if I look fat in these pants if you stop digging those overalls out of the trash.
7. I love you. Shut up and give me a hug.

*Guidelines may (and will) change without notice.