Thursday, January 13, 2005

Trophy Wife Suspects Foul Play

I can't help but notice that my vase full of wine corks is no longer on my bookshelf. I have strong suspicions that my housekeeper broke it today and is hiding the evidence. But, I lack proof, which is the cornerstone of Canadian justice.

Yes, it's true. I employ a housekeeper. Not full time, just once a week for three hours. It's well worth the money, as I can't expect Arthur to take care of the children, pay the bills, make dinner, AND clean the house. Clearly he needs help. I could be a trophy wife. But, as Arthur would be quick to point out, "Trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win to have you as my trophy?" (This is a shameless lift of a TV sitcom quotation. Can anybody name it?)

Still, with three glasses of questionable Gewurztraminer in my gullet, I'm pretty torn up about the wine corks. They were a tactile history of special moments in the history of Arthur and Trillian. Yes, sadly, most of our most memorable moments seem to involve alcohol. Don't judge.

I've interrogated the children, who for some odd reason, like to take my corks (children like to horde anything in large quantities), but to no avail. Frankie, the bigger liar of my two spawn seemed to be telling the truth. But what do I know? While taking out the trash last night, I found a stash of apples that he'd evidently thrown into the garbage in the garage so that we wouldn't know he hadn't eaten his lunch. Then, when confronted, he feinted* ignorance. I don't know if I'm more upset about the fact that he lied, or that he didn't compost the damn things!

*I'm sure I've spelled this wrong, but Blogger is giving me the green light. This from a program that thinks Blogger is wrong, but has no suggestions for replacements!!!!


At 10:24 PM, Blogger sxKitten said...

I think you were thinking of 'feigned'. 'Feinted' is a real word, too, so Blogger wasn't lying, just unhelpful.

At 10:48 PM, Blogger Jennie said...

Ooh! Ooh! That quote's from Everybody Loves Raymond!

At 10:52 PM, Blogger Trillian said...

Right you are, Jennie! You're prize is FOUR MORE YEARS OF BUSH! Stay tuned for the inaugral address!

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Jennie said...

Heeeeeeeeeey, wait a minute! Can I give my prize back?

At 1:42 PM, Blogger Carmi said...

The words are closely related, it would seem. Gleaned this off of

Feint: A deceptive action calculated to divert attention from one's real purpose. A feigned attack designed to draw defensive action away from an intended target.

Feign: To give a false appearance of; to represent falsely; pretend to.

I believe the proper verbal form for this application is "he feigned ignorance..."

I'll now return to my usual geekiness.

At 7:13 PM, Blogger Amelia said...

Lol, love the 'trophy wife' title, I want to be a trophy wife too!!

..Oh and children would never touch things they're not supposed to, so it HAS to be the housekeeper. Check if she's been hoarding pens and milk bottle lids etc. as well ;)

At 9:34 PM, Blogger Janet said...

But do any trophy wives want to be trophy wives...really?

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Kate said...

It's funny how the things with the least monetary value can be the things you treasure most.

At 5:16 AM, Blogger Rich Rosenthal II said...

Feinted is more of a dungeon master word. I suppose it couple be a workforce boardroom war jargon as in making a feint for a takeover or something like that.

At 1:41 PM, Blogger Steve said...

In my role as Trophy Husband, I've taken the liberty of glueing all our leftover wine corks onto an old picture frame thereby making a lovely cork noteboard suitable for sitting above the desk. I'm a regular Martha (minus the jailtime). My wife doesn't like it, so there it sits under the spare bed. I'd offer you my corks, but the sentimentality is what matters, and you can't get that secondhand.


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