Family Reunion 30-Second Recap

As you know, Arthur and I were foolish enough to host a Saturday thru Monday reunion for his father's family this past weekend. I'm exhausted, which I'm taking as a sign that I had a really good time. Arthur's family was pretty funny and they certainly know how to have a good time.

Here are some reunion take-aways that you can keep in mind for your next family gathering.

1. Nothing in the world removes purple popsicle from a suede couch. Nothing.

2. Ditto with vomit containing said victuals.

3. Enjoy your uncle's homemade wine in moderation (thus avoiding #2).

4. Your favorite lawn chair will always break, and you will be in it when it does.

5. Kids with water guns run faster than uncles with beer.

6. Alcohol consumption and lawn darts don't mix.

7. If someone pisses you off, hold your tongue and remember that you won't have to see them for another 25 years.

8. The people who did nothing to help with the meal are always the first in line to eat it.

9. Keep an air freshener in the bathroom for Uncle Hank's morning constitutional.

10. Aunt Jo will not see the humor in putting the roasted-pig's head on a stick and quoting from "The Lord of the Flies."

Also, I might point out that if your last name is White, you should avoid putting signs on your lawn that read "White's Reunion" or "White Party" - it sends the wrong message to your neighbors.