Wednesday, December 22, 2004

The Polls Don't Lie

My parenting acumen was put to the test last night. The results are not in yet, but exit polls indicate that I did not fare well.

It turns out that I have two of the worst board game losers in my charge. (To hear about another, check out Jennie’s post on the topic here). We were playing Candy Land and all was fine. Little Benjy Mouse, who was within spitting distance of the finish line, pulled the dreaded Sugar Plum card and had to go back to nearly the beginning. She exploded, threw her man on the table and stormed off, wailing all the way. In the typical fashion of our family, Frankie and I laughed and kept playing. This has always worked on Frankie; it helps him grab some perspective on his reactions. Apparently, laughing at the emotions of a sensitive four-year-old girl is, shall we say, akin to slapping her in the face. She crumpled in the hall and had a good, long (and loud) bawl, lamenting her unfortunate situation and her ruined destiny. Arthur coaxed her back to the game, but she inevitably lost, causing another torrent of tears.

Junior Monopoly didn’t go well either. Both she and Frankie showed their true colors during some tense land deals, with much protesting and whining. It ended with Frankie victorious and Benjy dejected. She was only partially cheered up by the fact that she had, at least, beaten me.

The night steadily degraded from there. Benjy (heavy with cold) began a coughing fit that ended with her vomiting over most of her bedroom furniture and much of the bathroom. When a torrent of pent-up slime exploded from her nose while vomit shot from her mouth, I failed my last test as a parent: I vocalized my disgust and ran from the room. That was an unfortunate mistake, as there was no one to hold her hair, which ended in a very late, very disgusting bath.

I’m hoping to somehow redeem myself later in the week, but for now, Arthur is winning in the popularity polls.


At 12:13 PM, Blogger Jennie said...

I totally don't blame you for running from vomit, and I'm sure Benjy will some day agree.

At 1:07 PM, Blogger sxKitten said...

Oh, the joys of parenthood!

They don't tell you there'll be days like these when you sign up for the job. There should be a limit of one disgusting bodily emission at a time - a person can only be expected to handle so much grossness (grossnicity?) at a time.

Here's wishing everyone's healthy for Christmas.

At 3:45 PM, Blogger Dean said...

As a general rule, trying to teach 4 year olds that they should tolerate losing is a waste of time. They aren't able to understand it.

With young kids, I generally make sure that at least one person, usually me, finishes behind them. It just isn't worth the hassle otherwise.

There's time enough to beat the ears off them when they get older.

At 12:03 AM, Blogger Kicking Bitch said...

Well, at least now her sinuses are clear and she (hopefully) won't develope bronchitus or anything worse.

My mother's weakness was blood clots, which I unfortunately got a lot of because I had bloody noses all the time. You could give her just about anything else.

Only time will tell what my limits will be. I usually do okay with human vomit...but pet vomit makes me gag. Ugh, I can't even think about it. I'm going to just hit "publish".

At 12:08 PM, Blogger withknivesout said...

man, posts like these make me not want to have kids.

At 12:09 PM, Blogger Amelia said...

Just popped in to wish you, Arthur and the children a Merry Christmas :)

At 11:52 PM, Blogger Wheelson said...

Why is it that board game commercials there's always a table with a white boy, girl and either parents or some token ethnic kids, but the white boy is always the one who is shown to be the victor at the very end of the commercial?

Maybe she was so upset because she felt the weight of a society that only wants the little white boys to win and gives little girls the Sugar Plum card.


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