The Polls Don't Lie

My parenting acumen was put to the test last night. The results are not in yet, but exit polls indicate that I did not fare well.

It turns out that I have two of the worst board game losers in my charge. (To hear about another, check out Jennie’s post on the topic here). We were playing Candy Land and all was fine. Little Benjy Mouse, who was within spitting distance of the finish line, pulled the dreaded Sugar Plum card and had to go back to nearly the beginning. She exploded, threw her man on the table and stormed off, wailing all the way. In the typical fashion of our family, Frankie and I laughed and kept playing. This has always worked on Frankie; it helps him grab some perspective on his reactions. Apparently, laughing at the emotions of a sensitive four-year-old girl is, shall we say, akin to slapping her in the face. She crumpled in the hall and had a good, long (and loud) bawl, lamenting her unfortunate situation and her ruined destiny. Arthur coaxed her back to the game, but she inevitably lost, causing another torrent of tears.

Junior Monopoly didn’t go well either. Both she and Frankie showed their true colors during some tense land deals, with much protesting and whining. It ended with Frankie victorious and Benjy dejected. She was only partially cheered up by the fact that she had, at least, beaten me.

The night steadily degraded from there. Benjy (heavy with cold) began a coughing fit that ended with her vomiting over most of her bedroom furniture and much of the bathroom. When a torrent of pent-up slime exploded from her nose while vomit shot from her mouth, I failed my last test as a parent: I vocalized my disgust and ran from the room. That was an unfortunate mistake, as there was no one to hold her hair, which ended in a very late, very disgusting bath.

I’m hoping to somehow redeem myself later in the week, but for now, Arthur is winning in the popularity polls.